Dubliners, fear not the immigrants taking your jobs – fear the machines.
The Self Checkout/Fast Lane at TESCO.
Step 1: Press Start and away we go.
Step 2: Scan. Lose precious seconds by trying to find the bar code on your item.
Step 3: Place your scanned item in the scale next to the computer. Place it carefully, as each item must fit on the scale. Caveat: if you touch, jostle, or remove the items after placing them on the scale, the machine gets angry so just leave ’em be. And for pete’s sake, don’t put your umbrella in there because the machine doesn’t like that, either.
Optional Step: Wait. Now you’ve gone and done it – you’ve upset the balance on the scales and angered the machine. The light above your checkout station is flashing and, within minutes, a grim employee comes over to stick a key in the business, punch a few buttons, and wordlessly sends you back on your way.
Quick summary: Scan. Weigh. Repeat. Don’t anger the machine.
Step 4: Done at last. Hit “Finish & Pay.”
Step 5: Pay. Feed the machine with either your credit card or a fistful of euro. Don’t forget to use your rewards card or take your change.
Done. Sorted. Now off to the butcher shop.